Kal

So- No Do-over?

In Uncategorized on November 12, 2008 at 5:42 am

room Is 24 the age of understanding for everyone- or is it just me? I have pondered about my personal quest in life and now at the tender age of 24 I have drawn up my conclusion- I want a do-over!

I will get to my point, I promise. But first, ask yourself this question. When is the last time you unselfishly gave provided your services, a helping hand or genuine concern to a perfect stranger in their time of need? I’m not talking about tossing a dollar bill out the window in the direction of a beggar in the median of a busy road, either. I am not talking about simply holding open a door for an old woman to impress your date. When is the last time you put in real work for a good cause? I don’t think I ever have.

I am by no means a selfish person. I have been very helpful to many people when they needed it the most. I have a big heart, I promise.

Lately I have been thinking about a lot of my own morals and beliefs. Pardon me if I am not supposed to say this, wouldn’t want to offend anyone- I am pro-life all the way. I sit here huffing and puffing about the new President’s agenda and how it affects the innocent lives yet to see the light of day, but honest to God himself, what have I done for the cause? What exactly have I done to fight this? Absolutely nothing but flap, flap and more flap.

Is that the best I can do? Sit here and debate it with people? Is this the impression I want to give people about myself- someone who is all talk game but doesn’t play? Certainly not.

I am going through my own personal crisis. I want to get back in school more than anyone could possibly imagine. Every time I think about it I am reminded by all the chances I blew and what I would give to get that wasted time back and put it to good use.

I am in much need of a job right now. I am dumping my load on my fiance and that isn’t fair to him. I have tried to find a job but they just aren’t there. I have a lot of experience with Microsoft office and such, I KNOW a receptionist position would be well in my league (lol) but I don’t “qualify” because I have no “real” experience other than in the comfort of my own home.

I am tired of sitting here day in and day out, life is not meant to be lived like this. It’s meant to be- lived.

-and then it dawned on me. Why haven’t I volunteered? (here is where I really put my ego under my own foot) I have no excuses. I haven’t been “busy”. I dropped out of school in the 7th grade. I got my GED at age 16 and got right in college. I was smart enough for college but just not mentally prepared to take on responsibility. The only responsibility I had back in the day was hanging pictures on my walls and making sure I shoved my junk under my bed. I did nothing. I got jobs and quit them. Got in school and quit. This cycle lasted for many years.

I wish I could have the same people in my life, my son, my daughter, fiance, just everyone and the same conditions- yet still give life another go. I never lived. I was never “alive” for a cause. It was always my own interests in mind.

What I would give to turn back the hand on the clock and devote myself to something. Why couldn’t I have just volunteered at a homeless shelter? Help children who lack the proper guidance. Raise money for charities that supply basic necessities to people less fortunate than myself?

I can’t stand watching the infomercial’s about starving children, women who were victims of domestic violence, animals who have been neglected- I will seriously cry. But what exactly have I done?

I don’t think that I can change the world but I know I had the chance to make a difference in someone’s life and I am so sick with myself right now just thinking that I wasted time that other people needed- that I needed.

I have no one to blame for my current situation other than myself. I did this to myself. I took life for granted.

The saddest part about it is, it’s out of my character to *not* do for people. If someone genuinely needed my help, I was always there to help. I get this from my dad. I just could have done so much more.

So now, while I am on my job search, I refuse to just sit here. I mean, I do have kids so I am not really just “sitting here” but there are things I could be doing for people. How could I ever expect someone to help me in my time of need when I failed to help the billions of people world wide who are crying out for help? Even if I don’t go through an organization to do it, I am a smart girl, I could do it myself. Even if it meant just donating things that I don’t exactly need or use right now to someone who could REALLY benefit from them.

This isn’t even about “look what I’m doing”. It would bring personal satisfaction to know that I have unselfishly devoted my time and effort to help someone in their darkest hour.

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  1. Hey just lettin you know I stop in here to read, too! Love it 🙂

  2. Hi Thanks so much for your comments on my stories. I have one for you now which may seem ‘left of centre’. My theory Life Cycles says that every 12 years there is an upheval in your life that you are not in control of and it brings a new age. It is known as the Year of Revolution. At 24 you are in one now. If that job seems elusive, it or someething else will come. Something important to you. Just hold on for now and tell me about it later, Cheers, Neil.

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