I’m a big girl now

In I'm a big girl now on October 19, 2008 at 7:31 am

In my honest opinion (at least my opinion at age 24) I don’t believe that maturity comes with age- it comes with wisdom. Wisdom may  or may not come with age but aging definitely does not grant you maturity in ~alot~ of cases.

When I was little, big people (adults) were big people. All of them were the same. Sure, some were a little bit more interesting and fun to be around than others, nevertheless they  were all the same. Adults. As I got older, this concept slowly diminished. Now, at my current age, I cannot believe there are seriously some 45 yearold men and women out there still doing the same shit they did at my age- or younger.

Some people just never really get it together. Even I am a slow starter. It has taken me a while to realize the er of my ways, but i’m getting it. Some people in all conscience do not grow up. I have carried on conversations with people twice my age and couldn’t shake the feeling that I was speaking to someone half my age. It’s that bad with some people. I see grown women still running around like hussies, trying to live it up in nightclubs and bars. I have seen older men (so old they qualify for social security) still chasing girls in their early twenties. I have witnessed firsthand men that have never accepted fatherhood and are still trying to be parented by their own mommy’s and daddy’s. And even I  am guilty of escaping responsibility and putting it off on other people. It’s that “I don’t wanna grow up, i’m a Toy’s R Us kid” mentality. But I am eternally grateful that I can realize this at age 24 rather than 54. There may be a chance for me.

Since I have gotten older, many  things have changed. Some minor things and some major things. My taste has changed. I used to swear I hated onions and now I could bite one raw- and enjoy it. This revelation is making me wanna go eat a big  bowl of beans, something I haven’t had since I was maybe 7 years old. My style has also changed. I no longer get the urge to dye my hair blue. Funny, huh? I also think it’s tacky to hold my son’s hand with one hand and smoke a cigarrette in the other. I no longer want to make my boobs noticeable, I want to hide them. I actually would like to burn every article of clothing that I have and trust me, when I get the extra cash I will roast marshmellow’s over my old clothes and buy some big girl clothes. My taste in music changed pretty early on. I was once embarassed to let people know I actually liked rock and oldies and basically anything outside of rap. It just wasn’t “cool” back then. But I came around and now I boastfully listen to anything that is pleasing to my ear. Matter of fact, I have lost alot of interest in the typical rap music. Only if it has a good beat and nice flow will I listen to vulgar rap. And definitely not around my kids anymore. I strictly obey the law without enforcement- I actually respect law abiding citizens. My whole perspective on life has changed. My view of other people has changed. I have changed.

You really can’t generalize people because it usually never works. You can’t say someone 18 years old is too young to get married because there are some 18 year old’s out there that are already mature enough to take on that role. You can’t say someone 30 years old needs to hurry up and settle down because there are some 30 year old’s out there that act like they are 16. That’s just the way it is. Maturity doesn’t come with age, it comes with wisdom. I wish my present-self could have somehow materialized to my 16 year old self- then sat down and had a heart to heart. But back then I was so stuck in my ways even *I* couldn’t convince myself otherwise. You could have said to me, “Kristi, look. If you focus on getting down to business now, then by age 24 you  will have a couple million dollars sitting in your bank acount” and I would have pretended to care and then went about my own idea of “business”. There is no amount of talking, bribing and convincing you could do for someone of that maturity level.

So where am I at now? I’m on a mission to better myself. What does that entail? I can’t continue to put things off. I can’t rely so much on other people. MY parents are not meant to be full-time babysitters, or even on-call at my whim. It doesn’t work like that. My fiance should never have had to go through the stress of maintaining a household by the skin of his teeth so I could lay my pregnant ass on the couch getting fatter. I can’t keep running away when conditions get too demanding. Maturity means you will sacrifice sleep to make things happen. You will give up wild nights of drinking and carrying on to make sure you make it to work on time the next day. You will do all that’s necessary to progress in life and stop making excuses as to why things don’t go your way. No one is to blame for any problems you have or material posessions you don’t have. Mom and dad raised you now it’s time you show them they didnt’ do a bad job at it. Get up, get out and get something.

  1. Very good Kristi. I am so proud of you.

  2. Great insight, Kristi! I smiled while reading this cause it’s so true! The last paragraph of this blog is what convinced me to contact you again, and I’m glad I did. Hey, there’s no shame in my game, I love oldies! I’m talking even country oldies like Kenny Rogers, Eddie Rabbit, etc., lol, that’s the spice of life!! Individuality is not about not liking what everyone else likes, it’s simply liking what you like, regardless of whether or not everyone else likes it as well. Good Stuff!!

  3. Thank you mom! Aww!

    Aubrey- I am glad you did send me a message, i’m glad we talked! And yeah, Kenny Rogers is great lol. Willie Nelson, John Denver haha! Yeah it doesn’t matter what kind, if I like it I just like it. I love variety, i’m full of it.

  4. There really isnt any shame in your game mami…Is that Outkast you quoted at the end? lol

    Heres a present…

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