Kal

What matters most

In What matters most on October 17, 2008 at 3:00 am

How can I *ever* find it in me to be negative when I am surrounded by so much positive everyday? I am in Chicago right now visiting family and I am here for two weeks. I am so missing my family right now. It makes me appreciate what I have just by being away.

I guess the saying bears some truth to it- “You never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.” I know that’s right. I find my mind in an almost constant state of turmoil. I just had a baby on August 1st, not to mention just enduring those nine months of pregnancy- and there was no mistaking the pregnancy hormones and symptoms. It’s been tough. Financial problems seem to be wreaking havoc on everyone I know. The typical ups and downs that come with a commited relationship have not missed their appearance. My son who is developmentally delayed has seemed to be out to get me. My newborn daughter has her newborn needs. All the while there is a house to clean, dinner to cook, baths to be given, monsters to eliminate, it can be bombarding.

Man, I have alot to appreciate. Some people in this world would give anything to get pregnant and experience childbirth and there I was complaining of God’s most precious gift– life. The well off population has forgotten how good it feels to get an unexpected $100. MY son may be developmentally delayed but that makes the new things he learns how to say much more significant. Like mom’s always cherish those, “I love you, mommy”‘s but I REALLY cherish them considering how long I waited for those words. And my newborn daughter… it wasn’t very long ago that my big boy was an itty bitty baby that I rocked to sleep in my arms. And I swear I have missed that so much and just feel like grabbing him and saying, “Sloooowwww dooowwwwnnnn!” He is just growing too fast! So I should cherish these moments I have with my daughter. Soon they will both have “Keep Out” signs on their door and beg me to drop them off “down the street” so their friends don’t see me. And the ups and downs with Kevin? What am I complaining about? I am so thrilled to even be ABLE to argue with someone from time to time because it was like yesterday I was crying myself to sleep, lonely as hell.

It’s so easy to take the small things in life for granted. We often put our worth in the *things* we have. We forget about the *people* we have. I look forward to Sunday’s because Sunday is usually the only day Kevin has off. I love watching Judea get off the bus because you can tell he really missed me while he was at school. I love watching my daughter look at me, wondering how much she knows about the world around her, watching all of her firsts. I love spending Christmas decorating the house. I love baking huge meals. I love getting a quart of Colt 45 and listening to old music with Kevin. I love when my son gives me a hug out of nowhere. I just really love my life and the people in it. There are so many small things that occur -EVERY DAY- that are worth more to me than anything money could ever buy and I would not trade these simple moments for all of the riches this world has to offer.

 

Life is not always easy and the only thing that is certain IS that life itself is uncertain. We tend to wait for a tragedy to occur before it hits us- we are only promised one life. There is one life to get it right. You could be here today and gone tomorrow morning. I would imagine that has got to e one of the saddest things to experience- living with regrets. I want to know that I am the best mom I can possibly be. I want to know that I am there for my children and that I contribute to their future success. I want to be there for Kevin as his partner in life, the one he can turn to for anything he needs. I want him and the kids to KNOW I love them; that I appreciate them for who they are and the joy they bring in my life.

I have experienced the comedy and tragedy of life. I am finally at the point where I am actively  learning how to take the bitter with the sweet. Looking back, I remember the pains of labor but what stands out the most is holding my baby boy and baby girl in my arms for the very first time. The sleepless nights of constant feeding and consoling will soon be a thing of the past and it will be on to the next chapter of parenthood. The days of walking beside my son as he rides his bike with training wheels will fade away and I will be teaching him how to drive a car. Instead of changing my daughter’s diaper I will be doing her hair and makeup for prom. These moments have to last for all they are worth- which is more than anyone who hasn’t experienced them will ever know.

 

We complain. We get sucked into the daily grind and we pray for the day that life is effortless. The day where money is no longer an issue, time is not pressed, no more spilling coffee on ourselves while trying to conquer rush hour traffic, no more fighting with our S/O about why the house is a wreck or why we aren’t getting “attention” or even looking forward to the day our children our no longer dependent upon us for basic needs. But these are the blessings of life. If you just take a step back and look at what you have, I guarantee it is more than you give credit for. So hold those tough times close to your heart because I promise you will someday miss them.

 

If you are going through a difficult time, if you are beyond stressed about the natural (and it is natural) course of life, then just take at least 30 minutes to yourself. Go through all of your old photographs of good times, listen to old music that reminds you of the bad times, think about the ups and downs that  have brought you to where you are in life. Life is a journey and it is one to be experienced and enjoyed. Don’t let the good in life pass you by.

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  1. Kristi-
    I can’t tell you how much I enjoy reading your blogs! You have a gift for writing and I think you should try and pursue it. You make me see what’s going on in my own life and you remind me of what is important.. the people around us. I’m glad that you are in Chicago with Jon, Kristen, and the girls. I’m sure you’re homesick and missing your family but it’s good to get away every now and then and have time to yourself. I think you needed this time away and I hope that things start to look up from here. Good luck with writing, I’ll be sure to continue to stalk the blogs and good luck with the job hunt.

  2. Great job Kristi. I loved reading all of the blogs. They are really good. Keep up the good work maybe one day you might even consider doing a book. But always remember that Rome wasn’t built in one day. Take things in stride and try not to be so perfect at everything. I know it is hard to break old habits. Like smoking. I wish that was one that wasn’t so hard to do.

  3. wow Kristi… I just spent like an hour reading up all your blogs and they are amazing!!!you really have a gift! and youreally help put things in perspective. I am SO EXCITED to become a mother…. I can not wait! and you make me that much more excited!!! Keep writing! I will keep reading!

  4. Bravo! I couldn’t agree with your sentiments more, again great insight. This is good stuff girl, not just the writing, which is great, but the growing you’re doing as a woman and mother. It’s enriching your gift for writing…YOU GO GIRL!!

  5. Renee- Thank you! I love it when people can relate to what I write because sometimes I seriously think I hear cricketts LOL, good to know someone is reading and actually agrees. And yes I am SO glad I made it up here to Chicago, I needed it pretty bad. Also missed my brother and his fam, it’s been over a year so I am glad I got that time with them. Yes please wish me luck about the job, I need luck right now. And PLEASE, stalk my blogs! I love feedback, that’s why I have this site! lol

    Mom- Thank you for reading all of my blogs and actually enjoying them! I love the motivation you give me!

    Kinsey- Thank you! And yes you are really gonna love being a mom and I am sure you will make a great one. The experience is something you will never forget and it just totally changes you when you get to hold them for the first time. I know it’s hell when you are pregnant but I promise, you will miss some of the moments. So cherish it while it lasts!

    Aubrey- Thank you!

  6. Kristi:

    I wandered over here from CafeMom, and I’m so very glad I did! You are an amazing person, and I really enjoy reading your entries.

    I, too, and in Chicago. I am new to the blogging realm, and I totally understand the inert need to write. My first blog is here:
    http://angelamccoy.blogspot.com/ I started another one here at wordpress yesterday, and would love it if you would come by to read and comment. http://naturesencore.wordpress.com/

    You and I are very similar in our ways of thinking. Do people view you as a complex philosopher, too?

    Angela

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