Kal

Mirror, mirror on the wall

In mirror on the wall on October 12, 2008 at 8:13 am

So I am positive not everyone sees me the way I see my own reflection. But I am not just talking about what’s on the surface, I am talking about what’s beyond how you appear. Though I may never win a beauty pageant I know deep inside I love who I am. I like what I see.

I have many flaws. I can list them all. I am very aware  of myself. I think I have finally reached that point in my life where I know exactly who I am and I appreciate myself for who I am. I do envy other people. I envy the people who have the things I don’t have, I even envy the people who look the way I wish I sometimes looked. I do not envy other people’s personalities. I would never look at another person and think, “I wish I was just like them”. I can get a good idea from someone. If I see a girl wearing a shirt that looks cute I may want to get something similar. That’s perfectly fine. But I would never totally jock someone else’s style or taste or swag. I love who I am, honestly.

I have never really been the type to do what everyone else says. I take pride in the fact that my mind doesn’t always operate like everyone else’s around me. I jump at the chance to show someone a new perspective. I learn from people around me as well. It’s just really sad when I see someone who is ashamed of who they are. These are the people that worry too much about what people think about them. These are the people that will dress in clothes they  don’t really like just to fit in. The ones who only enjoy who they are behind closed doors, when no one else is looking. I could never live my life like that.

If there is something about me that I don’t like (for a good reason) then I will change it on my own. I will not adopt someone else’s mentality, I won’t hide the things I hate about myself and pretend they don’t exist. I will recognize them and change them. I have had a bad temper my  entire life. That is something I am working on changing. I have also felt the need to talk about problems religiously, always trying to improve situations. That is something I will not change. I don’t look at that as being a flaw. I have been through many phases in my life. There were times when I only listened to rock, there were times when I only listened to rap, now I listen to both. I have never done this to fit into any kind of group. If I like the way a song sounds, I like the way it sounds it doesn’t matter what kind of music it is. And I let this be known. I am just all “mixed up” to people. I have a hoop in my nose yet I wear huge hoop earrings. If I owned a pair of vans I would wear them with an ecko shirt. That’s just the kind of person I am. I can wear knock off shit if it looks good, I can wear expensive stuff if it looks good. It’s never about what anyone else thinks.

You can guarantee that there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. There will always be someone who would love nothing more than to humiliate you. You will never satisfy everyone. Not everyone is always going to be pleased with you. So why bother pleasing them? Why not invest that time, energy and effort into pleasing yourself? As long as you are happy at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. No one on this earth is worth you looking in the mirror and despising what you see. Don’t ever give someone that control over you, never hand over your power to someone else. You have the power to make yourself happy. That is what really matters.

If you think you  have to be a certain way to have friends, why in the hell would you  even want friends? They don’t like you for you, they like you for who you act like you are. I would never be around people like that. And my confidence in myself is so high I have the power to make someone else feel exactly how they try to make me feel. If someone were to try to humiliate me I can guarantee you that I could humiliate them in the worst way if I thought they were worth the effort. And that is what keeps me happy. Knowing that I have that power is good enough for me to sleep in good conscience at night. When you finally learn how to love yourself for the person you are and embrace the qualities that not everyone else has, you will get a confidence that attracts people to you and THAT is something to be envied.

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