No one is your keeper- unless you are <18

In No one is your keeper on October 11, 2008 at 7:52 am

So the sad truth that we adults have (hopefully) learned by now, is that no one is guaranteed the life they “desire”. Circumstances are not always going to be in your favor, no one gets their own cheer leading squad rooting them on as the walk their own path in life, sometimes we seriously just gotta do what we gotta do. Ladies, when you have kids, please tighten up. This is another post where I am preaching to myself. To all the mommies out there, this is a must read.

My son is the result of my foolishness. No, I love my son dearly, make no mistake. I am very happy that I played the fool and got my “bean” (nickname). But I met his father when I was 18 and thought that I was really in love. I actually lost my virginity to him after 11 months of “foolishness”. Five months later, I was pregnant. I found out on Mother’s Day, ironically. I was 19. Well, 3 days prior, I told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. I wanted to get back in college (made many attempts since age 16) and I wanted to move on with my life. He was a “wanderer”. Well, I called him the day I found out and to my surprise he wasn’t using the “I found my birth mom and am moving across the country” line to get me to think twice about the split. In those 3 days, he actually did find his birth mom that he hadn’t seen since age 6, and he moved across the country- leaving me to be a single mom. It was horrible at the time but as I reflect it was actually easier being a single mom than if he had been in the picture. Not the daddy type, trust me.

I stayed with my parents, worked odd jobs, in and out of school. I was basically just floating through life. I mean, I did want my own place and all but man, I was terrified to do it alone so it wasn’t on my To-Do list. Besides, it was so easy getting a babysitter when you live with the babysitters. When my son was 2.5 I met Kevin. It was instant chemistry and to speed up our ups and downs, we are 2.5 years deep and have a newborn daughter together. Oh yeah, we live together.

Now, when I first got pregnant it was horrible. Not only were the hormones running rampant, putting Christmas candles in my hand and forcing me to hurl them at Kevin’s Benz, I was also hurling at my cubicle. It was a very difficult pregnancy. I left my job. Funny, not long after leaving my job, bills got behind, my car broke down, cell phone cut off…. The world was spinning a little to fast for comfort and I was falling over- big-time.

Kevin and I have really had our own trials and tribulations, which we both have contributed to. So naturally there have been the times that we swore we wanted to leave each other. We haven’t followed through with it because we sincerely love each other and are mature enough to recognize the fact that we are two different people with different ways of going about things; we really want to learn how to act around each other. And while I will always push for that  front porch, rocking chair scene….Kevin and I greeting our kids and grand-kids on Thanksgiving day, realistically there are other things to consider as well.

If something tragic were to happen, wether it be Kevin losing a job, Kevin leaving me, me leaving Kevin or God forbid, death, then I will e hawling myself, my son and my daughter back to mom and dad’s to mooch until I can stabilize myself. I have a very shakey work history, I have no accomplishments outside of a GED. And I am in debt. Not too bad, but it’s there. So it’s not like I am breaking even, I am actually in a hole right now. I am now learning a lesson in life.

Remember when your parents told you don’t put all your eggs in one basket, or don’t count your eggs before they hatch and all of those other sayings that annoyed the living shit out of you as a teen? They are all true folks. All of them. Please do not depend on someone else totally. You have GOT to think about yourself and well if you are too blind to think about your own well-being, think about your kids. It’s not fair to them. Ladies, I have seen this one too many times. Through friends, random people on the internet or even on talk shows, too many women out there depend on a man and when their plan falls through, what do they do? Well, my  friend didn’t learn her lesson and has been in homeless shelters with her 3, now 4 children. Try to close your eyes and think of everyone who makes up your support system. Think about hubby, mom and dad, your sister, your best friend, grandparents, whoever it is that bails you out when you are in too deep. Now think if they all went away. If you didn’t have a single person in this world to depend on, could your children depend on you?

If it weren’t for the people I surround myself with and pretty much depend on, I couldn’t take care of my kids. That’s not me, that’s not who I want to be. It’s so easy to let it get to that point because we like to ignore the basic facts of life. “We love eachother, we aren’t going to break up”, or ignoring the fact that not one single day is promised to us and the love of our life could be gone in an instant….. Get in school. Get a job. Stack some money in the bank. Always have a backup plan. Your kids count on you. Don’t be one of those foolish women that go 20 years into a marriage getting cheated on and beat because she doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Don’t be like that. Always look towards your children’s future, it’s a motherly instinct that we sometimes ignore because of love. As moms, we can hear our kids rustle covers 3 rooms away, we are forever locking doors behind us or scoping out that staple sticking up from the floorboard that no one else notices. If we have this much attention to detail then we need to be more detailed in our strategies for the future. Don’t get caught up in the moment and let time slip away. Even online classes, just get a degree. Get something that will help you market yourself should you ever need a job. There is no catchy way to end this post, sorry. This is strictly intended for you to really think and create your own ending….

  1. So sad but so true in many instances.

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