Kal

Curtain Call

In Curtain Call on October 1, 2008 at 6:05 am

Breaking up is a bitch but if you live in fantasy land for too long it will suck even more.  As I type this blog, I’m preaching to myself here, too.

 

You know the deal. Everyone who has been through it knows ending a relationship is like an emotional train wreck. You beg- like a dog. You tell yourself that you can piggy-back the relationship on your own with no input from what’s-his-face. You get really, REALLY confrontational when you realize that isn’t happening. So you are now spiteful and vindictive. Trust me. Hell hath no furry like a woman scorned. That brings you to feel the next emotion. Humiliated. You are now retarded. And childish as well. Somehow you end up checking in at the front desk of Denial Inc. You listen to upbeat music, even corny stuff you wouldn’t ordinarily listen to in your normal state of mind. You laugh with friends, you are the life of the party- no one is fooled LOL. Knock it off. Go ahead and stumble across that picture of you and your’s truly playing with cheap fireworks on the 4th of July, or the “Ohhh thank you!” picture of you opening your Christmas present. Or if it’s bad enough, check out the engagement pictures and the birth of your daughter. That ought to end your tea party really fast. (great now *I* am crying)

Of course you aren’t gonna think about the bad times. You aren’t gonna think about the huge debates over what is considered “flirting”. The times he called you the WEIRDEST names like Puppetmaster won’t even cross your mind. Nope don’t think about the times you put your hands on each other and spit in each other’s faces. That would only justify the split. And we don’t want justification because that would mean we now have to -gasp- MOVE ON. We want them back. Oh but wait a second, let me clarify that. We don’t want ALL of them. We want to dissect them of their good qualities and let the flaws keep moving.  We want the guy who gave us his shoulder to cry on. We want the guy who fiddled with our hair. The one who we shared the happiest moments with, cuddled up together on the couch watching a movie while it’s storming outside. Who surprised us with roses and a great card selection. I want the guy who held my hand when I felt labor pains and brought our daughter into this world. So we hold onto THAT side of Mr. not-so-right. So when you think you want him back please don’t fool yourself and build up Mr. Potato Head in your mind, K?

How could we even really place blame on them for how WE feel. This is OUR mind, I would be terrified to think someone REALLY honestly had the ability to hack my brain like that. Freaked out, too. If you lost everything it’s because YOU allowed yourself to be in the position to. Entering a relationship is like entering a casino. Some go in with nothing and end up hitting the jack-pot. Some go in with everything and leave with nothing. It’s a gamble that WE consciously engage in. Keep that in mind. And yeah, if you broke up a billion times before but now find yourself confused/shocked or in a state of total disbelief that it’s “serious this time”, please get to the nearest bank and cash that reality check before it expires. Never make empty threats. Never say you are gonna leave unless you intend on leaving. Empty threats aren’t cute. If you love someone, find a more constructive way to help them right their wrongs. I always hated going through the repeated break-ups. It was seriously like ending a relationship every week, who in the hell can function like that?

Now for our Public Service Announcement:

You know WHY you feel this depressed? Wanna know why your break-up doesn’t seem normal like everyone else’s? Why it hurts soooo bad? Are you wondering why you feel like you don’t know who you are, the world looks different and life in general seems unfamiliar? Because you lost your identity. You have been saying “we” so damn long that saying “I” sounds foreign to you. So naturally when you become “we” and not “I” you feel lost when they dip out on you. And you think that getting him back is going to make you happy. You put YOUR happiness in HIS hands, under his control. So when he isn’t there to make you happy anymore, well, there you go. Happiness left the building. And here you come chasing after him, harassing him to give that back to you. He doesn’t owe you anything. YOU owe it to YOURSELF to keep YOU happy. You need to maintain your own identity. If you catch yourself avoiding hanging out with your friends when you normally would, you need to cut it out. If you avoid doing things without *him* get OVER it. It just makes you miserable in the end. And don’t think that just because you have issues and revolve your world around him that he has to do the same. It’s not standard procedure. It’s not healthy. It’s control, obsession, jealousy and all of the other nasty little diseases.

People come and people go. The ones who STAY are the ones you should be thinking about. I can punish my son and know he still loves me. He is totally forgiving and he isn’t going anywhere. My friends and family have seen the crazy woman in me, the monster lurking inside of me. But they are still here. So if someone chooses to go then you don’t need them around anyway’s. For one, TRUE love is mutual. It is give and take on BOTH ends. So if you have a mutual love for each other (true love) then it is endless and unconditional. Endless. With NO end. Unconditional- with NO conditions. You get what you see. People CAN change but don’t think for a second it is willed by you. People change on their own accord. Any force will bring resistance. So if he wants to go, let him go. If he comes back and you WANT him back, go for it. But do so knowing that you are getting ALL of him back, not just Mr. Potato Head version 5.0.

Keep the ones who REALLY matter close. Let the other ones fade away….

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  1. Great post. Takes me back to an old relationship that was hard to get over. People have to think about the big picture. In my case, when I finally moved on after thinking that there was no possibility of doing so, I found happiness and peace. And that’s something no one can ever give you.

  2. Oh man, reading that made me say to myself “omg, this is it, this is really happening, it’s over”………can’t wait to be on your end. I know I will get there, I too have been through this previously. But i’m stuck on the “no this time it’s different, he’s different”……they are all the same. (confrontational me speaking) LOL. Thank you, i’m glad you enjoyed!

  3. ditto down to the dirt.
    loved this!!!
    It’s like Breaking Up For Dummies.
    hey, did you break up with someone recently or did your past bite you in the brain?
    I say brain because this was O SO EFFIN TRUE. and buttholes are assholes are so far up their ass they can taste next week’s digested meal with no light of day to dry the shyte in their eyes.
    you are truly yummy.

  4. Yeah me and my daughter’s father just broke up but I guess I am dragging it out, can’t seem to get past the deinal phase just yet. Maybe I should reread my own words but you know what when you love someone you didn’t listen to anyone, not even yourself……..I guess I just got to let it run it’s course huh. Is it ever really like in the movies? Like how the guy messes up and the girl leaves and the guy will do all kinds of stuff, have all kinds of tricks up his sleeve to get her back? I have yet to experience that. I’m always playing the guy….

  5. I am this girls mom and she is so right about a lot of things. But one great thing, the guy she is engaged to took her back because he is a great guy!!! But we have all had our ups and downs in relationships. Some of them are keepers and some are loosers. This one is a keeper.

  6. Mom. And the rest of the world LOL. We mutually agreed to get back together. But yes, he is a great guy and sometimes I think she likes him more than me (just kidding, JUST kidding lol)

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